Good Lesson

           

         I think the lesson about culture is really good. From the lesson, I learned a lot of information about different cultures. From the lesson, I know different countries can have different cultures. When we understand the different cultures we can follow the direction to help us to communicate with different cultures’ people. For example, when I communicate with Indian people, I know they are high power distance cultures. So when I communicate with them, I should be polite to them. If we do not follow their rules to communicate, we may make a bad communication.

            When I came to the college, there were a lot of international students. When I communicate with them, I need know their culture to help me to avoid an awkward situation. Through our conversation we can know more information about each other’s culture. So this lesson is really useful to my everyday life. When I speak to classmates from different countries, I know what I can say, and what I cannot say.  The lesson helps me make my everyday life more interesting.

Competitive Conflict

         

         Sometimes we may have conflicts with people. We have different reasons for having a conflict. When people get in a conflict they may always want to win the argument. According to the textbook, “The competitive conflict style involves great concern for your own needs and desires, and little for those of others” (DeVito 255). In my opinion, the competitive conflict style is when we get in a conflict; we are just thinking about our feelings. We always want to win the conflict.

            I think this conflict style make it easy for people to get hurt. For example, when I require my husband to do something, he does not always want to do it. So each time I have a conflict with him. Every time I become angry with him, and I want to argue with him to make him to do something for me. If he does not say sorry to me, I always argue or blame him. I just focus with my feelings. If I feel bad, I do not want him feel good. I want to win every time, and I do not accept any failure.

Small Talk

         Every day when we see our friends we like to say hello or some other word to say hi. We like to make small talk with our friends to relax us.  According to the textbook, “Small talk is pervasive; all of us engage in small talk. Sometimes, we use small talk as a preface to big talk” (DeVito193). In my opinion, small talk is when we talk about some relaxed topic. We can say “How are you?” or another polite sentence to somebody; then we can begin our major topic.

            Sometimes people may violate the rules of small talk. For example, one day I talked with my good friend about what kind of food has good taste. We talked a lot about different foods and how to make them. We felt good with the conversation. Suddenly another person got in our conversation. She said, “We cannot think this way. Each kind of food has a different function. we should study how to make and keep their nutrition well. She talked a lot of about nutrition problems. She made our conversation like a nutrition class. During that conversation we felt bad.

Argumentative Instead Verbally Aggressive

        Sometimes we may be verbally aggressive but wish that we had been argumentative instead. I think this is really good idea to change the communication way. Verbal aggression cannot help us much. It may hurt each other and somebody will lose something. For a good solution, we should try to find a solution for our aggressive problem. We can pick the win-win strategies. According to the textbook, “solutions in which both parties win are the most desirable. Perhaps the most important reason is that win-win solutions lead to mutual satisfaction and prevent the kind of resentment that win-lose solutions often engender” (DeVito 260).

            I think being argumentative instead a verbally aggressive is a good win-win strategy.  Through being argumentative we can decrease hurting each other. At the same time, we can also argue to express our thought to each other. Through this way both of us can win through the argument. For example, one day I got verbally aggressive with my friend about who knows more information about food. She thought she knew more; I also thought I knew more information. Finally we figured out a good solution that was we can communicate with each other to study good information. Through this way we can learn more information about food. I think this is good way for us to avoid being aggressive.

Beltlined

        Communication is a really complex and interesting thing. Everyday we communicate with people; we may get hurt from conversation. When we talk with people we should be careful with our conversation; we can not hit people’s beltlining.  According to the textbook, “one popular but destructive face-attacking strategy is beltining. Much like fighters in a ring, each of us has a “beltline”. When you hit below this emotional beltlining, you can conflict serious injury” (DeVito 263). In my opinion, people should be careful with each word. When we talk with people we can communicate with them and feel happy, but we cannot talk about something that may hit people as a painful thing.

            For example, three years ago I went to take a drivers license test. First time I went to take the test I did not pass. Finally the second time I passed the test. After I tried the first time, my friend asked me, she said, “did you pass the test?” I answered her I did not pass the test. Then she said to me, “I think the test is easy, I just try one time I passed the test.”  I know my friend just wanted to tell me what she thought about the test, but I felt bad. She thought the test was easy, I did not pass the test, I thought I was bad. Sometimes, people just say something; they may not know that they are going under other people’s beltlining. So, when we talk to people we should do not hit people’s beltlining that may hurt other people.

Equity Theory

           I think different people have different principle about how to value the equity.  According to the textbook, “Equity theory claims that you develop and maintain relationships in which your ratio of rewards to costs is approximately equal to your partner’s” (DeVito 242). In my opinion, equity theory is we want to make sure we get equal reward with I cost. When we do something for somebody we want to value the cost.

Different people with equity theory have different thinking. Some people think they should get equity reward from their work. I think I am a person who believes someone who needs more should get more. I do not care who does more or who does less. If I think somebody needs me to do something for her or him, I like to help. I do not care if I get an equity reward or not. I think different time we may get different problems. When people need more help we can just help them, and we do not need an equity reward. If we do not have problem, we do not need help. I think we should help people who need more.

Matching Hypothesis

According to the textbook, “ although there are exceptions, the principle of similarity states that you’re probably attracted to your own mirror image --- to people who are similar to you in nationality, race, ability, physical characteristics, intelligence, and so on” (DeVito 241). In my opinion, I think people like the person who come from their culture and similar to themselves. They can feel free to talk and know how to make the conversation more effective and make life more interesting.

I find the matching hypothesis is the truest. For example, in China, when I moved from Hunan to Shanghai, I always looked for the Hunan people. I liked to talk with the hometown people because we feel more close to each other and happy. I think a lot of examples can prove this concept is true. For example, in China, when people look for romantic partner, they like to look for a partner that comes from same city and have some family background. They think if they have these things in common, they will have a good relationship and fewer conflicts. This is a really interesting concept. Most of people like to follow this concept to do.